I wish I had never been born. Can you imagine living in a place like this? The first person who left Earth and came here must have been crazy. Goddamn Enceladus!

How would you like to live on a ball of ice? I squirmed and my rolls of fat jiggled in my spacesuit. It really pisses me off that we have to be tubs of lard to survive in this godforsaken place.

I waddled along the passageway in the solar greenhouse checking the veggies. Everything looked good. I sigh and decide to get ready to return home.

As I pull on my shades I realize that my facial fat folds are not covering my extremities completely. Damn, I need to up my calorie intake if I want to keep my ears from becoming popsicles. I pull on my long blades and check to make sure I don’t have any heat leaks.

I push through the airlock and hop onto the ice. Soon I am weaving and jinking across the shimmering surface. I dodge craters and fissures and my heart leaps with joy.

I guess this place isn’t that bad after all.