Daily Archives: October 18, 2014

Pugnacious Pumpkins

From the Mind of Muggington, Halloween,

I’m a pumpkin. Okay, I am fat and orange but I do have feelings. How would you like to be one of the fattest vegetables in the garden? Of course I would like to be slim like a carrot or a celery stick but I’m not. I’m spherical and proud of it.

About the orange color. I know some people get ridiculed when they spend too much time under the tanning bed. My orange is from carotene and I could care less what you think.
Anyway, now that Halloween is coming I am getting a little peeved. Who gives people the right to come pluck us out of the fields? I’m quite happy sitting here soaking up the sunlight. I’m not hassling anyone. I’m sitting here in the dirt minding my own business.
I know I’m wasting my carbon dioxide but still, if you do pick me, let me keep my dignity. The best case scenario is if you put me on your front porch and let me live out my remaining time in the fresh air. I know that’s probably not good enough and you will want to carve me up into some grotesque face. Go ahead and have your fun but just remember, us pumpkins represent the color orange and we deserve some respect. Have your Halloween and your Jack -O-Lanterns but don’t forget
Pugnacious Pumpkins make it all possible.

 

Silly Spiders

From the Mind of Muggington, Halloween,

We all know that spiders are industrious. Every morning they drop down on a thread of silk and they start to spin their web. It’s a lot of work to make those complicated and beautiful designs. It takes several months in spider school to learn how to make a basic funnel web.

One sunny day the spiders went to work grumbling as usual. They climbed up to rooftops and dropped their lines. Little did they know that today was going to be Silly Spider day.

It started when Simon decided to make his web over the front door of the house. He thought it would be funny to see the fat man walk into the web. He never got tired of seeing humans frantically trying to pull the sticky spider silk off their face. Simon wove the biggest web in spider history. It must have been six feet in diameter.

The Sun came up and Simon heard the human rumbling around inside the house. He rubbed his eight legs together gleefully. “This is going to be great,” Simon said to the other spiders.

He heard the chain being pulled off the latch and the door opened. Simon gave a spider chuckle and he had a huge grin on his spider face. The fat man opened the door and stood looking outside. Simon wondered what he was waiting for.

The fat man spoke. “Silly spider, I see your web,” the fat man said. He closed the door. Simon heard the fat man open the back door. The fat man came around to the front door with a broom. Simon worked all night to make that web and the fat man swept it away in five seconds.

“Silly spiders,” the fat man said.

Snail Stew

From the Mind of Muggington, Halloween,

They came from big cities and small towns. They had little shells and big shells. All of them were excited and happy to attend the World Snail Convention.

This year it was being held in New York City. Country snails wanted to see Times Square. The snails from New Jersey took the Path train while the Long Island snails were delayed because of signal problems with the Long Island Rail Road.

Eventually all the snails arrived at Central Park. The chefs cut up all the veggies for the stew and the water was boiling. The snails waved their eye stalks trying to soak up the delicious aroma from the stew.

Then the unimaginable happened. Some of the snails in the back started pushing. They wanted to see how the stew was being prepared. The snails in front next to the giant pot tried to hold their ground but it was hopeless.

One by one the snails plopped into the boiling water.

One hour later the snail stew was ready.

Tourists from all over flocked to the park. Even the jaded residents of New York City came to have a taste.

The snail stew was the best anyone had ever tasted.

There is nothing better than a good snail stew.