How about that? I saw it on the news last night. Blue whales are no longer in danger of extinction. It’s about time there was some good news on that damn television.

…

“I say we do the Japanese first,” Cete said. “I disagree. In my opinion the Norwegians are particularly bothersome,” Leen said. The other members of the pod milled about waiting for the elders’ decision. “What about the Native Americans? They do it too,”  Cete said. “That is true but honestly, they are a minor annoyance. I propose we send two armadas to engage our main enemies. It’s sad that they made us do this but our survival is at stake. We have no choice,” Leen said. The members of the pod whistled and keened in agreement.

…

I’ll be damned. What a thing. I never could have imagined this. I was watching the latest news about another oil rig that got destroyed. It seems that pods of whales have been attacking oil rigs in the North Sea. They knocked another one out of commission last night. Somehow they didn’t spill a drop of oil either. The oil workers all got off safe. It’s almost like the whales wanted to teach us a lesson. I’ll be damned.